Lucky!

I'm so lucky!

1. boyfriend who loves me
2. lovely mum
3. sisters who talk to me
4. brooke for the weekend!
5. friends- think quality not quantity
6. two good jobs
7. not poor
8. laugh a lot
9. cute dog!
10. no lava in my house, no flood, no big badness
11. food, clothing, shelter, water!
12. I can read! I'm decently smart, too!
13. Dad may be dead, but was a sick one!!
14. Lost friends- better to have loved and lost, right??
15. Not obese
16. Healthy!
17. Two laptops- one baby one (cute)
18. Curb your enthusiasm... hello!
19. Lived in England!!!
20. Not ugly!


Seeeeee...

Romance

Things that make me happy right now:

1. breaks-- aka soup at Tim's in order to escape the chill of work
2. survivor-- i know, right?
3. the bus ride to work
4. funny conversations with new co-workers
5. the idea of camping
6. the rare times I see Poppy or Sam-- we're busy!
7. the possibility of astronomy being good
8. buying clothes
9. being with Aaron/ Aaron in general

Unhappy:

1. lonely in Oakville
2. work tiredness
3. no idea what I want for the future
4. boredom in Oakville
5. loss of friends
6. the fact that I will probably never really hang out with these co-workers
7. wanting to go outside, but having nothing to do
8. dependency
9. eating habits
10. I came home
11. next year
12. death
13. the week
14. not being able to hang out with Aaron
15. realizing I'm not as cool as I once was... or maybe was... or thought I was, at least! lolz
16. not knowing how to deal with all of this
17. realizing I really was once happy-go-lucky-- I remember the conversation! but, I'm really not anymore
18. being negative... ugh, I know, right? get over yourself! you=me
19. things aren't what I thought and nothing is perfect
20. the prospect of a lonely summer
21. the future
22. this really has damaged me

cool!

fuck, I am negative. This needs to stop. Pronto.

New limit: one sad blog a week! If that!

sigh, sigh, psyduck

larry david, you're my only friend

I thought coming home was supposed to cure my loneliness. I feel five times lonelier than I did in England. Maybe its the air. The week.

I know, this blog was suppose to be a move away from, "I'm so sad that I'm home". But hey, you can't really keep away the truth, can ya?

I got employee of the week at work though. Sick.

I've been watching a lot of Curb, so that's nice.

But all I do is work, come home, hang out alone, go to bed.

And the thing is... I have no desire to go out and see people, to call people, to meet up. It's not that I actually don't want to see people... I think about calling people; Poppy and Sam mainly... but I feel like I have no energy. Nothing to offer. Most of the time I'm just so mute and blank. I mope around without meaning to.

I'm in a funk, I guess.

Funk this!

Ohhhh.

And apparently lamebook is a real thing. shoot.

Though, it isn't making fun of look book.

18

Aaron and I have been officially in love for one and a half years. I say this because yes, Aaron told me he loved me on October 18th after a Jason Colette concert. And I already knew what my heart was saying, though my brain was saying, "baaaaaad idea!" and my mouth was saying, "uhhh no... nope. no. no."

Lamebook- yooooo

Lookbook is maybe the dumbest thing I have ever seen. You people do realize you all look basically the same, right? This was my first time really looking at the website and maaaan was it embarrassing. On the main page there were so many pictures of girls wearing the same pieces- things from H&M, American Apparel... and I'm pretty sure even Primark. Soooo unique!

And they all even pose the same way.

bugh.

I'm a fucking lone wolf over here.

I am boooored. Soooo bored.

I complain that I want a day off, and I finally get one and boom. I realize I may as well be working because fuck if I have a life. I could have been in Toronto today, but no. You know, I make every effort to travel down there, spend my like, one day off a week travelling on the go, the subway, the streetcar, walking to classes, paying for everything. And then I come home alone and do all that travel again pluuus the bus. And it blows. I want to be in Toronto. I want to be the one to be able to say, "well why don't you come and sleep over on Wednesday and then you can go home friday morning?"

Fuuuuuck this shit.

I'm having an art attack!!

Aaron and I decided to paint together the other day. The results?

this one is mine, but it's kind of cut off and not a great photo 'cause it is via the webcam.

it should be brighter.

and this little beauty is Aaron's!! Now tell me, what does that big blue/black shape look like?

Again, bad quality, maybe a little cut off, bad lighting.

this is one i did soon after i got home from england.

and this is another from a few weeks ago!

Now, I really don't claim to be an artist- I accept the fact that I kind of let myself down in high school art... but I do just really love to paint for fun.

Don't worry- this isn't an art blog, just a fun day Aaron and I had.

Don't we miss this?

Today walking along Yonge I heard two guys get into a kind of... confrontation, I guess... anyways the one guy started saying something like, "hey man- this is yonge and gerrard, ain't this where we shoot people? ain't this where people get shot??"

It was terrifying. I now hate that Aaron has to walk that way everyday.

I'm a changed person, my friends! (By the way.) But maybe not for the better. The goal is to be more optimistic! The goal is to resurrect the past! (Bad goal.) The goal is to forgive, but not forget! (How is this really possible?)

I miss friends.

Summer, I await your return with open arms- but pleeeease don't trick me. I just need a summer to get back to normal- I'm almost there. Riiiight?

And next, to redecorate!